When He Won't Do That

Ladies, don't'cha ever wonder what the heck is going through men's heads?! Through those fat ugly heads we love so much? I mean the sports and the hygiene and the overbearing checking of your email....what's a girl like me to do?! Seriously! WHAT??? I don't know! But those questions are for another column. I told you I'd prepare a column on the intersection of relationships and sandwiches, not how to communicate your feelings and find out if HE'S been following you to work. Those are questions I'll leave to the pro's and the prescriptions. All I know is no matter how INSANEly irritated we get somtimes, we still keep 'em around right?! For security mostly! Hahaha! But really, if the big lug weren't so insanely adorable wouldn't it be time to call the police?!

When you saddle up to the sandwich counter, is it the same problem every time? Your man won't do THAT. It's the fourth time in two weeks and as you say "I'll have a turkey and swiss on white with lettuce, tomato and mayo..." you just start to feel like things are getting a little stale. Like you're just not getting the satisfaction you came here looking for. It would only take a slice of gouda and some peppers, maybe some ham and cheddar...shit, why can't we just do a roast beef once in a while? It's not like I'm asking you to get a Reuben or something, although it might be nice to find one waiting for me one of these days. But NO.

How do you read a man who doesn't like but one kind of sandwich meat? Did his father not hug him? Did another woman make him too few sandwiches? Too many? The truth is some men will always fear sandwich meat, and in many cases it's not something you can fix. It's something he has to want to fix himself. What you can do is be supportive. DO NOT trick him into eating different kinds of sandwich meat, even if you're sure he'll like it. Chances are he'll feel betrayed and that's the last thing you want coming between you. Also, it won't help for you to order your own alternative sandwiches in front of him. Flaunting your meatloaf grill in public will only make him feel like less of a man.

Instead try adding small touches here and there. Cranberry mayonaise? Butterleaf lettuce? These things aren't as indimidating as meats so your little sensitive palate boy might be up for a change. Stay away from tough breads that make a mess. This only represents the emotional state he is no doubt feeling. If you're feeling sensual, try a wrap. And be supportive. If he's had a bad day he probably just wants to come home to the sandwich he's most comfortable with.